In January, I accepted a position as the new Director of Student Ministries at FUMC Rowlett. The week before starting, a friend and I sat down to make a big list of all the things I would need to do or find out in first few weeks. Among the many things that appeared on this list was a simple question: “What is your home number?”
“Home number” refers to the number of students between 6th and 12th grade that go to our church. It’s a good number to know, because it’s a different number than how many students attend events. In fact, it gives meaning to your attendance number, because it lets you know what your potential is, even before you begin affecting the community.
As it would happen, the same week I began searching for our home number, I learned about another number, Dunbar’s Number. Robin Dunbar is a British anthropologist who, after studying non-human primates, proposed a theory that there is a limit to the number of relationships the brain can handle. The basics of the theory are this; there is a limit to the number of personal relationships your brain can stably maintain, and after that limit, relationships will begin to disintegrate. So, you will have the relationships you are maintaining, and then you will have the relationships that are fading away. Or, maybe to put it simpler, you can’t stay friends with everyone forever.
So, what was that number, Dunbar’s number, the number of relationships your brain can handle? While the number varies between people, especially along the lines of male and female, it averages out to 150 people. Dunbar said, the average person’s brain can handle maintaining close personal relationships with 150 people. Want to know what our home number turned out to be? We have 157 students.
Now, whether you want to dispute Dunbar’s theory or not, the message is clear to ministers: You can’t do it alone. Unless your plans are to keep your congregation or youth group small (and I mean really small), you just simply can’t do it all alone. What I found out that day I counted up my home number was I that I was already short on the number of new relationships I could handle (remember, Dunbar’s number includes friends, family, and spouses, among all the other people who will become a part of my life).
It is incumbent upon me to use the people I have around me to do the work that needs to get done. If I refuse to rely on other people, not only will I stifle growth, but people will slip through the cracks. Dear friends, brothers and sisters of faith, what we’re doing is too important to let that happen. In fact, because I know my own temptation to try and do it all, I made a sign that hangs right in front of me at my desk. It says: “Our home number is 157. Dunbar’s number is 150. You cannot do it alone.” I’m hoping that I won’t forget, and I hope the same for you.
Great thoughts, Tim. Your post reminds me a lot of Moses’ father-in-law correcting the way Moses was being a bottleneck to ministry in Exodus 18:13-26. Verse 21 in particular: “But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens.” Seems like this concept has been around for a long, long time. I wonder why we struggle so much to do it?